This has been neglected for a while, no? I come here for my long-form stuff, but there isn’t much of that, since my output falls in small droplets, mainly on Facebook, occasionally on Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, sometimes in chats with friends and family. For a while now, I’ve been looking to rebalance my input/output: given I am everywhere, there is a tonne of input. Especially on FB, I’ve trimmed and cut and modulated my follows until the timeline is on the tighest focus so I don’t lose uncounted hours reading it. I have turned Tumblr into an image-only feed (almost); Instagram is full of art, tattoos and magick; only Twitter contains the text-heavy stuff, also rage. It’s still not enough, I’ve been feeling for months that I want to increase my output, because streamlining input hasn’t, by itself, done that: it is still my default procrastination strategy to look outwards for change inside.
One thing changed last month: I found myself some new tools for facing myself, for asking myself what I’m feeling, and for responding rather than reacting. These responses are focused on action: moving, eating, sleeping, breathing. I am learning my limits and boundaries, and gently cajoling myself away from staying stuck in inaction and overthinking everything. It’s hard, but nothing else has given me more hope in recent times.
Something else is changing this month: almost by accident, I have signed up for two writing-based practices for the month of February. One is Eat My Stardust by Tanya Markul, a writer and teacher I’ve been aware of for years, since the Rebelle days. The other, a chance recommendation to “28 Days of Self-Love” over on Grace Black’s site. I have no idea why I would add these on when I am also studying hard on other courses and sometimes struggling to keep my head above the water with life in general, and why I would choose TWO, not one, and not throw out other stuff for it. But here we are, let’s see how this experiment turns out.
I am planning to post the results of the writing exercises here; that means I will turn the blog from general-purpose, factual writing to intensely personal experimentation with creative writing. Expect it to be messy, and vulnerable, and violent, and dark at times; I make no promises, of anything, except that I will keep going. Now is a good time to unfollow if that isn’t your jam (looking at you, readers who found my Han piece and hope there will be more); conversely, to follow if you want to watch this one unfold. I’m going to check whether email notifications are possible, and otherwise, there will be posts to FB and Twitter, so keep your eye on one of those (all of them are public).
Here’s to feeling scared but doing it anyway; to tremendous excitement about the unknown: what will my guides give me to work with, and what will emerge in response?
May all beings be well, including myself. May all beings be happy, including myself.