History ‘What Am I To You’, 2013 (Blue Spring EP)

Okay I am doing this, I’ve been thinking about a song for two days straight and it’s eating my brain, I shan’t know peace until I inflict it on you too:

HISTORY(히스토리) _ What am I to you(난 너한테 뭐야), 2013

(actually released on 26 Nov, I just missed its 9th anniversary)

First up, it’s filmed in Berlin with German extras, all the kudos for that, LOEN. I know we like to fake these things, but most Berliners would recognise those places. The “Photoautomat” looks like the one at Warschauer Str., for example. Ciclope Festival is a real thing.

When it drops to just that Casio Rock-1 beat?

Casio VL 1 / VL-Tone

which made me think of this, naturally:

Trio ‘Da Da Da’, 1982

History themselves said the song had a “Latin” vibe – in this video:

Let’s Dance: HISTORY(히스토리)_What am I to you interview

The keyboard riff is familiar to me, I just can’t quite name it. To make matters worse, although I have some basic music theory, I’m mostly a dancer.

And what a dancer means by “beat” or “rhythm” is not quite what a drummer or keyboard player means. Let’s say I recognise a “pattern” instead: “slow-fast-fast”. Rumba.

Compare and contrast: the WAITY instrumental.

On the other hand – it could be a Bossa Nova, because listen to this:

Mattel Optigan Bossa Nova Style

This is the kind of very basic keyboard riff I was hunting for.

(side note, OMG the Optigan ad!!!)

Or this kind of thing:

Brazilian Bossa Nova

Both fit the “Latin” mould: Rhumba (in the ballroom sense) is broadly Cuban, while musically you have things like Congolese rumba. Bossa Nova has a Cuban and a Brazilian type.

So who fell into the Latin vibes? Yoon Sang and East4A, with lyrics by Kim Eana.

Yoon Sang has been around for a minute, writing music for Lovelyz and IU (also at LOEN at the time) and Ga In.

And ‘Crush U’ by EXO-CBX:

EXO-CBX ‘Crush U’

Now he’s apparently at Sungshin Women’s University, claims Genius.

And East4A aka Kim Yang Woo? He’s worked for Twice and Sunmi and IU (ofc) and Brown Eyed Girls and, oh, everyone.

He also has a credit on History’s ‘Psycho’, shared with Lee Minsu.

History ‘Psycho’

But where it becomes really funny is that the rest of the Blue Spring album is like this too – but composed by completely different people!

‘Tomorrow‘ is by KZ (words by D’DAY) – dude is BUSY these days, check him out!

And ‘Torn Apart‘ is by 삼박자 (Sam Bak Ja) or SAM BAG JA, about whom I can’t find out anything – apart from this JeA song:

JeA

So someone at LOEN fell into a box of Bossa Nova samples or attended a rhumba class and made an album about it – but what I’m curious about is who allowed ‘Hello‘?

Was Dean already that big in 2013? 😁

He only debuted as a singer in 2015, and ‘Instagram’ was 2017. That said, he does have ‘Voodoo Doll’ _and_ ‘Eternity’ to his name:

VIXX ‘Voodoo Doll’ (clean ver.)

(witness the Jaehwan Throw!)

ANDDD Uniq’s ‘EOEO’ 🤯

That said, the other composers on ‘Hello’ are no slouches either: idk much about Kim Hyung Kyu, but Hyuk Shin (EXO, CLC, NCT, MX, TXT) and Jordan Kyle (SHINee, Oh My Girl, WSJN, Uniq, EXO) also made songs for A.C.E: 5TAR, Take Me Higher, Black & Blue?

A.C.E ‘5TAR’ Live (Complete ver.)

(You know who else has a composer credit on 5TAR? Taemin!)

Okay back to History. A very curious thing I found is that Wiki claims Blue Spring was “produced by Cho Young-chul and with lyrics by Kim Eana“. KE I found on other sites too, but not Cho – crucially, he’s not on KOMCA.

So who is he? Well. He is a producer! Or he was – these days, he’s the CEO of Mystic Ent / Mystic Story, which manages Billlie and Lucy, and also owns Apop (Brown Eyed Girls). And, ummm, SME is its largest shareholder…

Look there’s Kim Eana! And Lee Minsu!

No idea who associated Cho with Blue Spring. He might be! I just can’t find a second source on that, and nor have I figured out how KOMCA chooses to spell his name, so I can’t see what he produced.

All I have is this Allkpop article that asserts he did.

Further proof that History really did go to Germany: Vulkan-Stern Automaten-Casino is a chain of arcades, though they lost their Berlin licences in 2019.

Heh, while looking for more pictures, I found this Soompi article: Boy group History to make comeback as bad boys with Blue Spring. This might be the source of the Wiki entry – but the producer is spelled “Jo Young Chul” here.

So. For all that ‘What Am I To You’ starts off as this simple retro Casio beat and kind of a cheesy riff, it’s sunk its teeth in me for days now – and as you can see, picking apart the who and what of it proves rather complex.

This is me now:

Anyway last word to History, here’s the dance practice:

History ‘What Am I To You’ dance practice

And on that note (boom!) I am out.

10 songs: A.C.E

Here’s a collection of (some of) my favourite A.C.E tracks.

By way of an intro, one of the many reasons I love A.C.E so much: they performed a Skrillex piece? and it’s this good? They did it in 2016, i.e. pre-debut by about 6 months. At the time, they were 19-23 years old.

Onwards to my list:

1. For their 2017 debut song Cactus, A.C.E incorporated Hardstyle in the chorus. And wore shorts for all their stage shows and busking in this era, which I think is super cool.

A.C.E – Cactus MV

2. Their second single was Callin’, also EDM released in 2017. I love and play both of these tracks a lot, they give me energy and make me feel good. The dance choreographies are insanely good btw. There is also an MV.

A.C.E – Callin’ MV Dance version

3. Fast fwd to 2019 for completely different sound – still EDM/trap but with more heat: Do It Like Me. I understand A.C.E made the choreo themselves and it’s straight-up fire IMO. And the song gets me bopping along.

A.C.E – Do It Like Me

4. ‘Do It Like Me’ wasn’t the title track for that era, though, that was Under Cover. I love everything about it: the song (hi @madflexing), the choreography, the MV and especially the outfits. They go so hard!

A.C.E – Under Cover

A.C.E performed Under Cover this year with a live band, which really brings out the rock elements of the song. This may be their signature / best-known song, yet they rework it rather than phone it in, and I love that.

A.C.E – Under Cover live / band version

5. 2020 brought us Goblin/Favorite Boys, which combines old/new, East/West elements in an interesting way. I love the MV (all versions).

A.C.E – Favorite Boys

6. Same era, different song: Golden Goose. My favourite bit is the jazzy breakdown in the bridge.

A.C.E – Golden Goose stage version

A.C.E – Golden Goose performance (moving version)

7. A.C.E have done some OSTs, the latest and IMO best is Spark for a new series called Light On Me. I haven’t seen it yet but apparently it’s streaming now.

A.C.E – Spark

8. Covers. There are SO MANY and it’s honestly hard to pick just one – sticking with what’s on the official YT channel, here’s one vocal cover: James Arthur – Empty Space (A.C.E ver)
   (I love singing their version of Lewis Capaldi – Before You Go)

A.C.E cover of Empty Space by James Arthur

9. And one dance cover: let’s go with NCT here. They’ve also done VIXX and EXO and BTS and many others. No, you know what, two dance covers. I can’t pick.

A.C.E dance cover of NCT 127 – Kick It

A.C.E dance cover of Cardi B, Bad Bunny & J. Balvin – I Like It

10. The first CB in 2021 was the album Siren:Dawn and its title track, Higher. New sound, new concept, 100% beautiful.

A.C.E – Higher

The visuals for Siren era are truly outstanding. And they made SO MUCH – 3 album concepts (Sun, Eclipse, Moon) with 2 versions each (on and under the water, veils), plus all the stages and the concert!

• 

  Sun

• 

  Eclipse

• 

  Moon

• 

A.C.E teaser images for Siren:Dawn

There’s loads more to love but hopefully this is a start.

How did I get from Skinny Puppy to K-pop and what did I learn on the way?

First, this is what it looks like when indie artists put on a gig, either on their own dime or with limited record label support.

• 

• 

• 

• 

Skinny Puppy on stage

Skinny Puppy formed in 1982, self-producing tapes until they signed with Nettwerk, then American Recordings. By the end of the 90s, they had sold some two million records and two releases were certified gold. For more, check Wiki.

Then, a “record label” could be a guy with a landline phone who had the time to mail out tapes. Marketing relied on radio play and music journalism, there was no social media. No money for stages, outfits, photoshoots; budget went into printing tapes/LPs/CDs and sleeves.

Gigs brought in money and new fans; festivals were good for outreach but not income. Merch was a headache. Yet they somehow survived, sometimes by working part-time.

So when I hear stans demand their preferred entertainers also produce music, this is what I think of.

Skinny Puppy and an interviewer

The way digital music is produced now is miles away from how these guys did it but studio time still costs money. The contrast between the agency/company/ trainee/audition model and the DIY route is stark: bands like SP had to basically re-invent the wheel and innovate, with no training and no support beyond what they already had or could afford to pay for. Vocal/dance lessons? Management? Tech support? Nope.

Skinny Puppy

Why would you wish this on any performer? I don’t think companies should be beyond reproach, but it’s not like they do nothing.

Second, aesthetics and talent. Look, SP are not ugly people – here’s their vocalist, OhGr. Although he uses distorted and ugly vocals, the guy can act and sing: he was in Repo! The Genetic Opera and a few other films.

• 

• 

• 

• 

OhGr / Kevin Ogilvie

If SP show up on stage looking like this, it’s an aesthetic choice in line with what they’re trying to communicate with their music and performance. It’s intended to horrify, cf. my post about “noise music”, which industrial is an offshoot of.

• 

• 

• 

• 

OhGr on stage

To me, a group like VIXX is the other side of the same coin: they’re more into beauty with horror, while SP point to the ugliness of the world with occasional flashes of beauty.
I mean this purely aesthetically, not musically.

VIXX

Musically, you cannot compare punk cut-up media collage techniques, early synthesisers, and sampling horror films with trained singers and performers armed with pop songs. They’re different skills with different purposes.

Skinny Puppy

Where industrial music intends to communicate a specific perception of the world and express horror/angst/fear/rage, pop music is made for entertainment and evoking joy/desire/admiration. There can be overlap, I don’t mean these as absolutes. Desire comes in dark flavours.

A.C.E performing a cover of VIXX’s On and ON

A.C.E

Technology has come a long way, yes. But compare these photos and the difference in production quality is obvious. The way performers can now interact with fans, the way they can reach new fans so easily, was unimaginable in 1982.

• 

  Skinny Puppy

• 

  A.C.E

Veil concept

There is also no way that even @official_ACE7 or @RealVIXX would produce music as dark, gritty, or horrific as Skinny Puppy, put on stages ft. blood or be arrested for their shows.

I can’t say I prefer one over the other – while Skinny Puppy were formative for me as a person and aesthetically, I also LOVE the sheer craft that K-pop groups bring to their performances. My god, are they hard workers, it’s the vibe I need right now.

Thanks if you read this thread/essay. I hope I’ve shown a bit why SP are still one of my ults and where there is maybe a little overlap with the Korean groups I like.

On “noise music”

So K-pop fandom can be a slightly strange place at times: not only is there a lot of new language, or new meanings for existing words, that you have to learn if you want to understand online discourse; there are also some really weird ideas that proliferate through the space. Quite often, these gain traction because people don’t know their (music) history in the slightest and are merely repeating ideas or text they’ve read and like.

One such strange idea is that 4th Generation K-pop groups make “noise music” and that it sucks compared to whatever 3rd gen groups and older had going on. I can understand a point being made that some of the up-and-comers produce tracks that are superficially similar, that there is a trendy sound being released by groups like Stray Kids, The Boyz, Ateez, and others.

But this is not what “noise music” is, not even slightly, and it’s a strange label to apply to any kind of pop music in the first place. Here’s what Wiki has to say about the term. Summarising: its origins are in modernism, futurism and Dada, early 20th C, Italy (and others). Its derivatives are Industrial, Dark Ambient, No Wave, Witch House, Glitch.

“It may incorporate live machine sounds, non-musical vocal techniques, physically manipulated audio media, processed sound recordings, field recording, computer-generated noise, stochastic process, and other randomly produced electronic signals”

“More generally noise music may contain aspects such as improvisation, extended technique, cacophony and indeterminacy. In many instances, conventional use of melody, harmony, rhythm or pulse is dispensed with.”

“Contemporary noise music is often associated with extreme volume and distortion. Notable genres that exploit such techniques include noise rock and no wave, industrial music, Japanoise, and postdigital music such as glitch. In the domain of experimental rock, examples include Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music, and Sonic Youth.”

Stockhausen, Whitehouse, Coil, Merzbow, Cabaret Voltaire, Psychic TV, NON, La Monte Young. “it is John Cage’s composition 4’33”, in which an audience sits through four and a half minutes of “silence” (Cage 1973), that represents the beginning of noise music proper.”

“Like much of modern and contemporary art, noise music takes characteristics of the perceived negative traits of noise mentioned below and uses them in aesthetic and imaginative ways.”

The Mothers of Invention, The Velvet Underground (Warhol), The Beatles (Stockhausen). Merzbow: Schwitters + Lou Reed in Japan.

So don’t be coming at me with the term “noise” when the kids are making their tracks a bit louder and more distorted. It’s a whole art movement.

TL;DR: if idol groups want to engage with 100+ years worth of a musical and art movement, that would be amazing and I’d want to hear it. But fans equating music they don’t like with an art form they know nothing about is where I go a bit 😡😠🤬

A love letter to K-Pop

A few days ago, Kate wrote An unexpected love letter to K-Pop. Here is my version:

I grew up dancing – meaning that I started early, about age 5(?), and continued through school, university and adulthood. I’ve been taught ballet, rhythmic gymnastics, jazz dance, ballroom, Lindy Hop, 5Rhythms, blues, bellydance, and tango (plus fencing, yoga, strength/cardio conditioning, tai chi/qi gong, and making music) – ranging from one or two classes to years of training. At uni, I regularly went out dancing once or twice a week, every week. In my 20s and 30s, I spent my free time clubbing and attending gigs, dancing all the while, often in ridiculous outfits and platform boots. I’ve danced to nothing but a drum around a camp fire and in converted factories in front of giant stacks of speakers, barefoot in church, attached to my laptop with headphones, on stages, and in my kitchen.

I don’t think of myself as an athletic person – I don’t especially look like one, for starters, and other things always seemed more important. Although I’m passionate about music and dancing, I’m from a solidly middle-class family that valued academic achievement, career/vocation, art/culture and maybe relationships, in roughly that order, above physical accomplishment. None of us play any team sports, exercise is kinda optional, and dance is only one skill in many for a well-rounded, cultured person: that’s the overall vibe, to situate myself. My dancing bucked those expectations, and I remember being told off for the amount of music I bought. I’m sure my parents would not have been pleased with the time and money I spent moving to music, had I ever admitted it to them; but while I’m quite intelligent and articulate, I’m not actually much of an academic, and so three years of uni would have been even more hellish if I hadn’t had my weekly outlet. I had a tough time in my 20s, because I was quite poor and lacked direction, so dancing until I was exhausted and then ecstatic was my salvation, and meant I didn’t have to get blind drunk or high either.

Between one thing and another, like running a business, getting married and divorced, moving countries, being diagnosed with “hypermobility” and told to stop doing yoga, and falling into a pit of grief, I stopped moving and got frozen in place: quite literally, I spent 6 months last year rarely leaving the room and indeed the bed. I’m still not totally out of the woods, but I’m on the right path at least.

This year, re-engaging with music by getting into Korean pop has given me back my
Hope
Energy
Dreams
Singing
and now Dance

I cried the first time I danced again. Other dancers may understand this: if we ever stop dancing, the day we start again is momentous, a mode of expression available again. Release happens all by itself, energy that got stuck in the body coming out. I know I was avoiding it, at least until I was more stable emotionally. Like, it’s been a year, and I’m only slowly coming to terms with death. I can only feel so much in one go.

It may not seem so obvious why young men from a small country in Asia would be the key to this particular transformation: could I be more different from them?! But if I think about my childhood, it’s not so dissimilar – it’s just that they kept going when I side-lined my dancing. K-Pop seems to have some of the hardest-working entertainers anywhere, which is inspiring when I feel lazy or hopeless. Although many of the lyrics are in Korean, there is more and more English in them (and I don’t mind digging for translations), and the music takes influences from European and American music since the 80s and 90s, so it’s quite accessible to me on that level. Also, K-Pop ignores genre boundaries while Western bands get stuck in them, which suits my taste and love of mash-ups. But really, I think it’s the dancing: not that Western pop singers don’t dance, but there aren’t a lot of groups dancing in formation, which is what I have experience with and relate to. Not to mention the level of accomplishment that K-Pop dancers have! Some of the world’s best choreographers (and producers) are now working for Korean agencies…

I’m establishing a daily dance practice, which was an intention I set myself at the end of last year, and it’s made a lot easier by having easy access to stacks of K-Pop that makes me want to dance, along with amazing dance routines in music videos and live performances, should I be short of inspiration. Has there ever been a better time than this, when artists and performers are endlessly accessible on websites and social media, no matter where on the planet you are?

Here are some things I’ve been dancing and singing to lately:
‘What I Said’ by Victon, plus the album
‘Fame’ by Han Seungwoo with the title track ‘Sacrifice’
‘Criminal’ by Taemin
‘Don’t Call Me’ by SHINee, along with the album
‘Knock’ by Astro
‘Feel Like’ by Woodz, plus a mix / playlist inspired by it
‘Paranoia’ by Kang Daniel, plus ‘Who U Are’

Kate’s mixes – lots of K-Pop and some other genres, plus my YouTube playlists.
My K-Pop Hype playlist on YouTube, older version on Spotify

Collected thoughts on Victon

[YouTube comment] WHY ISN’T THIS GROUP MASSIVE is the exact question that’s been keeping me up this past fortnight. I was an instant fan after seeing What I Said, I’m bowled over by the quality of everything they do and how hard they work. Let’s hope they get recognised and keep going! I’m very hopeful for them.

The album is great btw, and Han Seungwoo did a solo EP (6 tracks, largely self-penned: YouTube, Spotify) that’s been on constant rotation over here as well. The two previous Victon title tracks (Howling, Mayday) are good, btw: great MVs, so you can see they’re not one-hit. I believe they’re working their way out of the “teen Kpop” niche into a top league group and I’m totally excited to watch.

[reply to another comment] yes! I totally see the ambition and grit! Since posting that, I’ve also learned that their company seems to be improving as well – I don’t know the ins and outs of that, beyond that the agency got renamed to Play M (after a merger of Plan A and FAVE in 2019), but it looks to me like they are finally putting the investment into Victon. They are backed by Kakao, so there’s that! I’m noticing higher quality song-writers / video people / stylists and so on (although IMO their style has been great since at least Nightmare), and there’s a lot of Behind the Scenes material and other stuff they’re doing to raise their profile.

[different YouTube comment] So I’m a new fan as well – discovered them right after they released What I Said and have been obsessed ever since. This album has been on daily rotation, it’s that good! So it’s nice to get a full album reaction.

Lots of people have already pointed out the info you weren’t aware of before: I recommend checking out the credits on Genius, they have got some great talent writing songs AND contributions from the members, such as Hanse writing all of his raps and Seungwoo writing lyrics and composing.

Chan wrote and co-composed his solo and there’s a choreography he made as well. For Seungsik’s solo, that was written by the other 6 based on their letters to encourage their new leader (when Seungwoo was away with Produce X 101 / X1), and there is indeed a solo performance. There aren’t solos by Subin or Byungchan, but they’ve both been acting in dramas and Byungchan is also on an entertainment show IIRC. Maybe we’ll get solos later, who knows?

No solo by Seungwoo on the album, but check out his 6-track EP “Fame” from Aug 2020. There’s are 2 MVs for Sacrifice that are ASTONISHING (MV, Performance), as well as performance videos for Fever, Reply, I just want love and Forest. The EP is on constant repeat in my house. His VOICE, man! (and his performance / emotion, and his visual / modelling, and and and…)

While he was making Fame, he kept a video diary that shows the process of writing, practicing, planning, shoots, and all the rest. I find that insanely motivating for my own life, which is also the vibe I get from VOICE: TFIN. Just a whole bunch of talent PLUS hard work and perseverance and ambition.

Others have said that “We Stay” (and “All Day”) are for the fans: they made a video for it too. I love how much they LOVE their fans and live to perform for them again! They say this but you can also see it in every vlog and behind-the-scenes, they are just aching to get to concerts and fan meetings again. So sweet! As a European fan, this is the most unusual aspect of Korean groups for me – most Anglo bands are “too cool for school” and almost arrogant towards their fans, I feel like.

I don’t have a source on this but IIRC, Circle is about the fears and anxiety the group feel sometimes, wanting to run away. I’m not 100% clear on the “circle” motif – I guess it doesn’t translate well? – whether it’s that running away only brings you back to your starting point or whether it’s the wheel image, or even “running in circles” out of anxiety? Anyway they’ve performed this on music shows (M2, The K-Pop, M-Net) and the choreography is really nice, too.

I like that, as well as the “hype” songs and the ballads, there are personal reflections and more vulnerable sides. This group really have been through the wringer, from their debut in 2016 and releasing various singles/EPs after that with quite a boyish image, to nearly disbanding and the “fallow” period of about 18 months when Seungwoo and Byungchan went off to Produce X 101 to represent their company and raise the group profile, to Seungwoo being the leader in X1 and then caught in the vote fixing scandal before returning full-time to Victon… then Continuous and Mayday and his solo EP over the summer of 2020 (all with a darker and more mature image) before finally getting to come out with the album… man, it’s a journey!!

I’ve loved seeing all the promotional effort from Play M for the album, the videos and performances, and the guys really delivering every time. I’ve been thinking about how age-wise, Victon are roughly the same ages as BTS! Or to put them in context – they’re about 10 years younger than Big Bang, BoA, and TVXQ, about 5 years younger than EXO, VIXX, and SHINee, and roughly the same age as Monsta X, SF9, Golden Child, NCT, and Got7. RM (BTS’ leader, but not their oldest) is 3 months older than Seungwoo, while BTS maknae Jung Kook was born the same month as Hanse. I say this for two reasons, 1) I’m aware that in Korean/Asian cultures, your birth year is significant and influences the respect culture, so the group will be very aware of where they “fit” chronologically and this could create some pressure on them to make it; and 2) alongside the obsession with youth in Kpop, there’s also the military draft looming which will disrupt the group for years: with birth years from 1994 to 1999 and draft lasting 18 months (I believe), you can imagine – this really is their one chance to make it! So I really hope that, like you, people will discover their album and enjoy it and support them going forward. Although everyone’s on Lunar New Year break right now, it looks like they will be straight back to work almost immediately and hopefully we will get to see much more of them soon. Thank you 💙💛

SHINee Don’t Call Me + one-line reviews

So in 2009, SHINee did a song called Ring Ding Dong
which… I can’t really tell what it’s about, apart from a girl? who is hot?
is it even about a phone?
anyway they use the “ring ding dong” in an onomatopoeic way
(and distort the vocal with autotune in a really fun way)

and in 2021
in Don’t Call Me
listen to what is happening musically in the verse
there is dead-ass a synthesised “ding ding ding” making up the rhythm section
until we hit the pre-chorus.
then it comes back! but with extra strings, and drama, and continues through the second verse
(you can hear it clearest in the red scenes)
and then the mad piano over the final part of the song!
and the dancing! outfits! freaking TAEMIN!

WTF even is this magic
SHINee are magicians

Wonho — Lose: cool MV, his body is just intimidating now, but looks like he wouldn’t be out of place in a gay club with that cap
Rhys Fulber is Rhys Fulber, nothing wrong with that, props for continuing to hire female singers
Body Beat Ritual: the name = the method? I could be into that, again with the gay club vibes

Working from home and staying sane: What not to do

As mentioned yesterday, I’m going to wrap this series up with a quick overview of the things I would avoid as much as possible. I’ve tried most of them and they did not make me happy; obviously, we’re all different, and you might find that these are the very things that get you through this trying time, so who am I to tell you otherwise? As always with these posts, you know yourself best, and I am only sharing what works for me and how I approach making choices.

I also want to re-state my caveat from the first day, which is to say that I enjoy relatively good mental (and physical) health. Please keep this in mind as you read my thoughts, and where your experiences differ significantly from mine, please don’t feel like you “should” be doing or feeling anything different. This applies double extra plus if you receive treatment for any condition whatsoever, please DO stick to whatever has been prescribed for you!

The first item on my list is binging. Urgh, I know, starting with the tough things!! I am fully aware that we all have displacement activities and we’re all just trying to get through the day and feel okay about ourselves, and sometimes it means doing a good thing a bit too much. I have been there, and I will be there again – but on my good days, I practice moderation even with the things I love. I think that culturally, we have a lot of language around “treating” ourselves, “binging” series and sweets, “deserving” that glass of wine, and being “addicted” to games, shopping or our phones; I am pretty suspicious of such language, I have to say. I’m not talking about actual addictions here; it just strikes me that we collectively appropriate the language of addiction for things we don’t necessarily feel good about doing but give ourselves a pass on anyway. That whole “guilty pleasure” idea is what I mean here. So, let me be clear – I am NOT in favour of denying ourselves pleasure! Quite the opposite! What I think is good practice is to be mindful of our choices, to enjoy the hell out of whatever we have chosen, and not to use displacement activities all the time if what we really need to do is to feel the emotions that we’ve been avoiding. In that sense, binging TV, books, food, drink, games, snacks, etc. etc. is not a thing that makes me feel good about myself when I’ve done it; really deeply enjoying and appreciating a good show, a well-written book, my favourite food, a tasty drink or snack is one of the outstanding pleasures of my life, and I wish that pleasure for you, too!

Next item: spiralling thoughts. To me, this is somewhat related to the topic above, in the sense that we can indulge in certain thoughts without moderation, too. I don’t think that’s confined only to “negative” thoughts, worries, and anxiety; another trap I have found is spinning out on fantasies or happy memories. When things feel a bit tough, or boring, or overwhelming, who hasn’t retreated into their thoughts as an alternative? But in parallel to what I said before, there comes a point when overindulging becomes a net negative, so it’s smart self-management to create boundaries around how long to dwell in thoughts, dreams, feelings, memories, and so on. For example, it can be very effective to set a time limit, to really experience whatever it is within that period and then come out of it again. Maybe it’s a good idea to find a therapist or counsellor to provide an outside boundary, and developing a meditation practice can help with distancing oneself from one’s thoughts (i.e. recognising that thoughts are just thoughts, not reality, and that I can choose to listen to them or not). Freelancers with deadlines also have an externally enforced limit here, one I personally find very helpful because I then have a point at which I simply have to become fully functional and responsive, which in itself can break me out of a funk.

It’s also possible to go the opposite way and attempt to stuff down all feelings, try to be high functioning all the time, and to imagine that there must come that happy day when one no longer has any problems whatsoever. This is a fantasy! Life is a series of problems, and this becomes very obvious once habitual coping mechanisms are removed.

The best strategy I’ve found so far is to be smart about these things and to aim for balance. A useful tactic could be to take some time when things are feeling good to make a list of things that can be helpful in breaking out of a low mood or binging. I’m not sure who said it, but “move a muscle, change a thought” is good advice: go for a walk or a run, or dance around your living room to your favourite uplifting tunes, and see if that changes your mood any. This is one small way in which working from home can actually be a benefit, since in most offices, you aren’t free to do those things when the mood takes you. Ditto, naps! Naps are awesome. Over the years, I’ve learned when to push myself into completing work and when to back off and try again another time – basically by trial and error (aka “messing up”), so I’d encourage you to stay flexible around this idea and not demand perfection of yourself from the start. You will figure out what works for you, of that I’m sure!

As a bonus, here are some other takes on this new situation we find ourselves in:

• The World Health Organizations’s one-pager on “Coping with stress during the 2019-nCoV outbreak” (which I believe is from a longer PDF)
• A Newcomers Guide To Social Distancing And Working Remotely from Wear Your Voice
• Work in the Time of Corona by Alice Goldfuss

If you find more guides that are useful to you, please share them with me!

Back to the overview post.

Working from home and staying sane: Staying Connected

So far this week, I’ve talked about how to be productive when working from home and how to keep your body and your mind in good nick. Now we come to the next area: social life, or the “social” in “social distancing”. I want to preface this post by saying that I’m a fairly introverted person, as should be obvious by my choice of career and working style. I was introverted when I was a child, too, much more content sticking my nose into a book than dealing with groups of people. My parents strongly encouraged me to at least try to interact, though, so I had to develop social skills and ended up with a very large social network by my 20s. And because that was the 1990s, it was all in-person – in other words, I have experienced both large-group, in-person socialising (including working in large offices) and being by myself about 90% of the time, with very limited in-person meet-ups with one or maybe two people at a time, and various configurations in between. They all work, and they all require slightly different skills. Speaking to the extroverts here: I know you may find it difficult and unsettling not to have large groups to surround yourself with for a while, but it doesn’t have to be distressing, lonely, isolated, or negative.

We live in the age of social media, so that may seem like the obvious solution here: but I want to point out some problems and areas worth considering carefully. Hopefully, everyone knows about the many options for managing who you are in contact with, from unfriending and blocking people who are actively harming you, to unfollowing those you don’t want to confront but also don’t want to interact with too much. I will say as well that, as things change, it’s always worth paying careful attention to how you feel about what you see on your social media feed: do you feel uplifted or stressed? Do you experience FOMO, envy, jealousy, bullying? If so, here is your permission slip to stop reading anything and everything that makes you feel awful about yourself. I am not talking about creating only echo bubbles of people who agree with you – it’s not a good move for your mental development, but you do you! If you need this for a while, go for it! – but I do think it’s a good idea to remove people from your circle who always leave you feeling depleted. Curate your online spaces to inspire and support you. Ideally, stay away from people who peddle misinformation, especially if it’s being used to sell stuff or create an overall feeling of fear and anxiety. Be extra careful about following celebrities and realise they are only human beings, too: they aren’t more special than you just because a lot of people look at them.

The second thing I want to say about social media is that it’s good to be aware that everything is heavily edited there. Of course people post only/mainly their highlights and/or carefully stage what they want others to see, we know this. Consider all things to be types of marketing and propaganda, especially when people receive monetary rewards for their posts. The other part of this point is that the media we ingest via our screens lack aspects of in-person interaction: if we are social animals, we are primarily geared towards having our bodies in the same meatspace (to use an old cyberpunk term), and this aspect bears careful consideration in times of social distancing. There isn’t an awful lot that can replace a hug or a kiss! So consider how and with whom you might meet those needs, and when and how you can separate them from verbal and visual social contact. The latter falls under a broad category of human need I’d call sense-making: we are (also) story-telling organisms, our brains are very much geared towards narrating our lives as a way of making sense of and to ourselves, and this includes aspects like (the passage of) time and cause-and-effect chains. Social media are largely storytelling spaces, and their success is partly due to their capacity to meet this deep human need. Can you instrumentalise your social media channels in the service of storytelling? And/or what aspects of your friendships can you adequately experience without meeting in person?

A kind of halfway house – or “uncanny valley”, depending on your view – is telephone calls. The benefit to them is that they are spontaneous and less heavily edited than written communication, and they add the nuances of voice back into the equation. My personal preference is video calls: I find it easier to understand people when I can see their faces, partly because I augment my hearing with lip-reading. I’ve already mentioned virtual co-working as a productivity hack: I also like video chats as a way of being mostly physically present with someone without breathing the same air… or being in the same country.

Given that in-person hangouts with large groups of people are pretty much the worst when it comes to containing viral epidemics, the question is, how can we still share group experiences? I’m seeing a lot of interesting things pop up these days, from broadcast concerts (many for free) to heavier use of Discord, video conferencing and webinars, online learning, and so on. If you do find yourself with a lot more time these days, switch off Netflix for a hot second and think: What do you want to learn? What could you teach? Where might you find people who share your interests, and how might you hang out with them if you no longer need to be in the same physical location? I gotta tell you, as an early adopter of internet socialising from about 1995 onwards, there are a LOT of weird and wonderful people out there who are interested in the same things as you! I know that many online spaces can be toxic, but it is always worth seeking out those that are well-moderated. If you did not have to expend your social energy on irritating colleagues, what kinds of people could you find and befriend?

The last point I want to make in this post is to be very, very careful about the media you consume. If it wasn’t clear from everything I’ve said above, I strongly advocate for curating your input in every way you can, ideally by checking in with your emotions and your body whenever you consume anything. I would make this point doubly and triply when it comes to (mainstream / broadcast) media. It’s one thing to spend time listening to your friends share their lived experiences; it’s quite another to give your attention to professional communicators whose motivations for sharing information may not be transparent. This is the age of “fake news”, memes and misinformation: be critical of what you read, pull people up when they spread misinformation, and keep your wits about you. If you feel a compulsion to keep watching the news, consider reflecting on that and deciding whether this habit makes your life better or worse.

In summary, then, here are some aspects of social contact I think about:

• socialising for making meaning: how can you narrate your life now?
• socialising in the form of bodies sharing space: what are your needs for physical contact, and how can you meet them without the risks of group situations?
• socialising as input: how can you give space to your friends’ needs to narrate their lives? How will you curate the input you receive from all forms of media?
• balancing input and output: what do you want to learn? What could you teach? What do you want to create?

In my first two blog posts, I shared mostly recommendations for things I find helpful and useful; this third post has featured more of a mix of stuff I recommend and aspects I’m wary of; the fourth and final post will be entirely about things I think are worth limiting, removing, and otherwise not engaging with at all. See you for that tomorrow!

Back to the overview post.

Working from home and staying sane: Staying Well

Today is about the other side of the work-life balance scales: staying well. As mentioned before, a radical change in routines can be hard to deal with, so how can you make it easier on yourself when you’re suddenly home all the time?

First, a note of caution: if like me you start by thinking “haha, now I can do ALL THE THINGS!”, please stop now. Yes, you may, given enough time, be able to tackle those projects you always think you might like to do, from decluttering or redecorating your home to finally doing that art / craft project or reading that giant pile of books. But it won’t happen today, or even tomorrow: you are better off planning to do it in small stages. And, most of all, not punishing yourself if you don’t get it all done right away!

What can you do if you wake up in a funk, can’t make yourself do much of anything at all, then get super stressed later on because you’re feeling unproductive?

Routines to the rescue! Especially and explicitly, morning routines. You already have one – whatever it looks like, from a calm hour with meditation and breakfast, to a mad dash to catch that bus – so now is a good time to think about whether you want to change anything about it. However long your office will be closed is how long you have to settle into a new routine! Again, with caution: changing every aspect at once may be a bit much to cope with… or just the change you need.

Everybody – from Marie Claire to Forbes and Buffer – has already published articles on morning routines, and it really cannot be overstated how effective they are in getting you started on the things that are most important to you. So, by all means take some inspiration from others, but also don’t get stuck in planning the “perfect” one: better to add one small thing and do it consistently, than try for too many hard things at once. You will give up and feel bad about yourself if you’re anything like me. That said, before I got serious about my meditation practice again, I got a lot out of Gala Darling’s approach to Sacred Mornings (or check out the Girlboss version) – good if you’re an entrepreneur and/or into the Law of Attraction / manifesting your dream life.

My personal morning routine doesn’t happen at a fixed time – lots of people like regular slots, it drives me utterly batty – but I do have a sequence that I stick to most of the time:

1. feed my cat and make coffee
2. toilette/ablutions/purifications… whatever you want to call it
3. meditation, 30-60 minutes
4. dress, make my bed

The second tool that helps me with routines is Habitica, which is… well, your life as an RPG:

“Habitica is a video game to help you improve real life habits. It “gamifies” your life by turning all your tasks (habits, dailies, and to-dos) into little monsters you have to conquer. The better you are at this, the more you progress in the game. If you slip up in life, your character starts backsliding in the game.”

For some reason I am unable to fully explain, making sure I drink my water and eat proper meals and check my bank accounts every so often is something I struggle to do for myself, but as soon as a little cartoon avatar is involved that receives imaginary damage when I don’t do what I’ve decided I want to do, it’s a whole different game. Anyway, if RPGs are your thing and you’re the sort of person who enjoyed getting gold stars for menial tasks, check it out.

I’ve touched a little on what kinds of things I construct routines around, so let’s go more into that:

• Water: everyone knows you must drink your water, there are apps, go do the thing.
• Food: I am gonna guess we all know about food, and it’s too contentious an issue for me to get into specific recommendations here. Do your thing. I will add, though, that those ideals I had of three home-made meals a day? Yeah, nope, ain’t nobody got time for that! If you know how to pre-cook in batches and all that, I salute you, pls teach me yr ways. I use Huel for one or two meals a day and then really look forward to the other one/s. And yes, I do give myself a gold star every day I manage the full three meals… this is genuinely hard for me!
• Exercise: the main thing I do is walk! No cost, little effort, no extra gear… I’m in. If you have a dog, you’re streets ahead already! That said, if you usually go to the gym and now need to self-isolate, I have recommendations of what to try: my favourite place to go for exercise plans and community, and which BTW is FREE (and takes donations), is Darebee: every level from totally inactive to Super Saiyan, a lot of bodyweight-only plans, video instruction, gamified exercise,… and all for FREE, did I mention that? Amazing resource!
  Adriene from Yoga with Adriene (YouTube channel) is well-known for beginner and intermediate yoga, if that’s something you want to try; “pop Pilates” and HIIT at Blogilates (YouTube) or in their app. There’s a stack of other options because online training is the New Hot Thing in exercise.
• Sleep and rest: very important!! I’ve had bouts of insomnia all my life and am perhaps not the best person to advise here, so let me just ask this: if your working life to date has featured too little sleep and too much stress, could not going to the office for a few weeks maybe offer an opportunity to catch up and settle into a lower-stress, more restful life? Also: naps are great!
• Mental health: changes in routine + pandemic anxiety sounds like they could impact anyone’s mental health, so perhaps this is a good time to see what virtual support options are available to you. When I moved from the UK to Germany, I had weekly Skype sessions with my therapist to ease me through the transition and found it massively helpful. Other practices that are good for me: journaling; gratitude practices, art or craft practices, spiritual practices. I enjoy good mental health generally, so I probably don’t know much about your specific situation, which you are of course best placed to manage. I would only suggest that you consider what sort of support you need and how to get it when you’re staying home.
• Leisure: let’s not forget that being at home might mean more time to re-engage with your hobbies! Again, you know yourself best – my only tip is to balance online working with things that are off-line, physical, possibly creative. Maybe if you’re staring at screens all day, you could aim for something different than Netflix in your relaxation time?

Phew. I hope this is somewhat useful! Today is honestly a bit of a struggle around here, which is also why this post is up much later than I’d intended. If you want more info on anything I mentioned, let me know in the comments or on social media… and the “social” in social media is also my next topic, which I plan to publish tomorrow.

Back to the overview post.