Working from home and staying sane: What not to do

As mentioned yesterday, I’m going to wrap this series up with a quick overview of the things I would avoid as much as possible. I’ve tried most of them and they did not make me happy; obviously, we’re all different, and you might find that these are the very things that get you through this trying time, so who am I to tell you otherwise? As always with these posts, you know yourself best, and I am only sharing what works for me and how I approach making choices.

I also want to re-state my caveat from the first day, which is to say that I enjoy relatively good mental (and physical) health. Please keep this in mind as you read my thoughts, and where your experiences differ significantly from mine, please don’t feel like you “should” be doing or feeling anything different. This applies double extra plus if you receive treatment for any condition whatsoever, please DO stick to whatever has been prescribed for you!

The first item on my list is binging. Urgh, I know, starting with the tough things!! I am fully aware that we all have displacement activities and we’re all just trying to get through the day and feel okay about ourselves, and sometimes it means doing a good thing a bit too much. I have been there, and I will be there again – but on my good days, I practice moderation even with the things I love. I think that culturally, we have a lot of language around “treating” ourselves, “binging” series and sweets, “deserving” that glass of wine, and being “addicted” to games, shopping or our phones; I am pretty suspicious of such language, I have to say. I’m not talking about actual addictions here; it just strikes me that we collectively appropriate the language of addiction for things we don’t necessarily feel good about doing but give ourselves a pass on anyway. That whole “guilty pleasure” idea is what I mean here. So, let me be clear – I am NOT in favour of denying ourselves pleasure! Quite the opposite! What I think is good practice is to be mindful of our choices, to enjoy the hell out of whatever we have chosen, and not to use displacement activities all the time if what we really need to do is to feel the emotions that we’ve been avoiding. In that sense, binging TV, books, food, drink, games, snacks, etc. etc. is not a thing that makes me feel good about myself when I’ve done it; really deeply enjoying and appreciating a good show, a well-written book, my favourite food, a tasty drink or snack is one of the outstanding pleasures of my life, and I wish that pleasure for you, too!

Next item: spiralling thoughts. To me, this is somewhat related to the topic above, in the sense that we can indulge in certain thoughts without moderation, too. I don’t think that’s confined only to “negative” thoughts, worries, and anxiety; another trap I have found is spinning out on fantasies or happy memories. When things feel a bit tough, or boring, or overwhelming, who hasn’t retreated into their thoughts as an alternative? But in parallel to what I said before, there comes a point when overindulging becomes a net negative, so it’s smart self-management to create boundaries around how long to dwell in thoughts, dreams, feelings, memories, and so on. For example, it can be very effective to set a time limit, to really experience whatever it is within that period and then come out of it again. Maybe it’s a good idea to find a therapist or counsellor to provide an outside boundary, and developing a meditation practice can help with distancing oneself from one’s thoughts (i.e. recognising that thoughts are just thoughts, not reality, and that I can choose to listen to them or not). Freelancers with deadlines also have an externally enforced limit here, one I personally find very helpful because I then have a point at which I simply have to become fully functional and responsive, which in itself can break me out of a funk.

It’s also possible to go the opposite way and attempt to stuff down all feelings, try to be high functioning all the time, and to imagine that there must come that happy day when one no longer has any problems whatsoever. This is a fantasy! Life is a series of problems, and this becomes very obvious once habitual coping mechanisms are removed.

The best strategy I’ve found so far is to be smart about these things and to aim for balance. A useful tactic could be to take some time when things are feeling good to make a list of things that can be helpful in breaking out of a low mood or binging. I’m not sure who said it, but “move a muscle, change a thought” is good advice: go for a walk or a run, or dance around your living room to your favourite uplifting tunes, and see if that changes your mood any. This is one small way in which working from home can actually be a benefit, since in most offices, you aren’t free to do those things when the mood takes you. Ditto, naps! Naps are awesome. Over the years, I’ve learned when to push myself into completing work and when to back off and try again another time – basically by trial and error (aka “messing up”), so I’d encourage you to stay flexible around this idea and not demand perfection of yourself from the start. You will figure out what works for you, of that I’m sure!

As a bonus, here are some other takes on this new situation we find ourselves in:

• The World Health Organizations’s one-pager on “Coping with stress during the 2019-nCoV outbreak” (which I believe is from a longer PDF)
• A Newcomers Guide To Social Distancing And Working Remotely from Wear Your Voice
• Work in the Time of Corona by Alice Goldfuss

If you find more guides that are useful to you, please share them with me!

Back to the overview post.